Just a Regular Sunday

Sunday, December 3, I decided to not attend church and instead went to Starbucks to blog and catch up on some reading. They have this new drink called the Sugar Cookie almond milk latte. I reduce the four pumps of sugar cookie syrup for the grande to two pumps of sugar cookie and its delicious! I make this work for me in my pursuit of a healthier lifestyle. On my drive there, I was wondering if there would be enough tables to sit down because some of the Starbucks are changing, and looks as if, its not intended for folks to stay awhile.

Coffeehouse Kinda Day

The music reminded me of something I would hear at a bar or a club. It was fast tempo, blaring, and not conducive to holding a conversation over a cup of coffee. If it were not for the abundance of Starbucks gift cards, I would patron some other place. I proceeded to ask the barista who was cleaning if she could please turn the music down. She said, “after I finish sweeping.” I said, thank you. Of course, after she finished sweeping the entire store, it was still blaring loud. Reminded me of Dutch Brothers, but that is their culture. Don’t get me wrong, I love September by Earth, Wind, and Fire. I waited 20 minutes and after the crowd left to ask again. She stated, she mentioned it to the manager. The manager told her that some of the songs are louder than others. That was the solution, I guess….ookay. Thank God for my AirPods, its helped to cancel out some of the loudness for me. Another reminder, I am legitimately getting older. Loud noise go away.

I finished my drink and go back up to the cashier and request a water, then asked about the refill on drip coffee to see if that still existed. It does still exist —yay! The barista was really kind. Natomas Crossing Starbucks continues to serve up a decent portion of customer service, that many other stores lack. By the way, did you know Starbucks stop brewing the Blonde Roast after 11:00 a.m.? Its my favorite! I had no clue.

As I was enjoying my drink, I noticed two mothers with their babies in strollers. I was checking out these new strollers and the earth tone color schemes they fashioned their babies/strollers. What a stark difference from when I was a mother in the 90s. We had loud bulky strollers. They were standing next to me waiting for their drinks. I overheard their conversation because they were standing right next to me, so it was difficult to not listen. They talked about their woes of being a new mom, trifling family members, and fussy babies —haaa, can totally relate! I was impressed that they made time for self care — to exercise outside and be with friends during postpartum — so important. I felt a sense of sadness wash over me as I was listening to their trials. I am now nearing the end of the childbearing stage of life and seeing young mamas with their babies, reminded me I am aging. I gently reminded myself that motherhood is not over for me, but just looks different because my children are older now. I also reminded myself, this is not something I should feel sad about. I should be thankful for those memories of being a young mama toting my babies everywhere and appreciate that I am still living to see my children age, and that they are here to see me age as well. Its all about the reframe for me.

My delight,


Aging is not lost youth, but a new stage of opportunity and strength – Betty Friedan



Such a beautiful song to mediate on. Jesus is the way, truth and the light. He is the focus of my heart and soul. I’m so thankful I was drawn to him as a little girl. He will never let you down.



Forever and ever!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽

He takes our pain and shines light and heals us. Through his strength, we can love ourselves and others, and live through this place called life.

He is my perspective. My grace. My life. My heart.

#jesusislove #myGod #eternallife

Ending a Relationship with a Sociopath

In 1992 at the age of 15, I met a man who was a sociopath and married him when I was 18. I was a teen in a violent dating relationship.He was a known gang member, violent, aggressive, rule-breaker, a bully, explosive, stalker, and very popular. People feared him, and many still do. Fast forward, I am 45 years old and I am still dealing with the aftermath of being in an unsafe, unhealthy, and unstable relationship.

Not all Wounds are Visible

I have been in therapy for about two years, and finally through the help of my church, found a trauma therapist who is a Christian. I have learned alot through these sessions, and am so thankful that I am finally able to share my inner most thoughts with a therapist. Many years while I was married, I attempted counseling, but I was so ashamed of myself for being married to the man who harmed me so deeply. (It is important to note: I have forgiven him for all offenses, and hold no bitterness.) I could never be a wife to him because although my heart forgave him, my body remembered what he did to me. The body keeps count/memory of the trauma.

When I was 15, he stalked me for several years and shot me. At the time, I was living in Los Angeles. He was a menace to society, to me, and my family. I did not feel safe. I had nowhere to turn. What does survival look like at the age of 15? He threatened to hurt others if I didn’t come back to him. I believed him. Why would I not? After all, he hurt me. He hurt my step-dad. He hurt my family. He hurt several people. I remember seeing him drive down my dad’s street while my little brother was playing outside, and he drove by with a gun. This is after he shot me.

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” 
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

As an adult, I carried so much shame about being with someone who harmed me in such a significant way, and continued to hurt me. Some of my closest friends that I met in adulthood, had no clue about my past, or why I was unhappy. On the outside looking in, he appeared to be the perfect Christian husband. I protected his image, while slowly the little girl inside me was dying.

I broke away for about 7 years from 1999 and reconciled back in 2007. Leaving him in 1999 almost cost me my life, the 2nd time. Again, he did what he knew best, to stalk and be violent towards me. FACT: Leaving an abusive partner/husband is the most deadliest time for a victim. I went back to him because I was young and under the influence of false teachings. I really believed that I would be cursed because I divorced. Had I got proper mental health counseling/therapy, I would have learned this is false. One’s faith is never a reason to stay in a broken marriage. Its a lie from the pits of hell. Its damaging to children and future generations to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of children and/or due to biblical convictions. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin.

As I began to grow and recognize he still was disrespectful, significantly lacked empathy, manipulative, and downright harsh, I made up in my mind to get out. I started memorializing the events that made me want to leave while I was married because I found myself minimizing his behaviors. And, I didn’t think it was acceptable to leave a marriage for emotional abuse alone. I was taught a woman could not leave a man, unless adultery was involved. My faith made my decision so much more complicated.

2021 Unpacking Trauma Bond

All I hoped for, was that we could be mature, respectful, and kind to one another for the sake of our children and grand-daughter. Yet, he has not changed. He is being tormented and has so much hate for me. I am still dealing with toxic text messages, phone calls, threats, and hate. He continues to drag my children in his toxicity, parentification and alienation. He uses Holy scripture to instill fear. And constantly tells me:

Death is upon me.

I am the reason my brother died.

I am the reason why my dog died.

I am the reason why Cooper misbehaves.

My back issue is because of my sin.

I am going to hell. I will be turned over to the tormenters.

He hates me.

Worst yet, when bad or unfortunate things happen, he’s the first to say, its because of my sin.

My sin has destroyed the family.

The text messages are so damaging. His words have assassinated my character as a woman and mother. He has modeled to my sons how to harass, humiliate, bible beat, stalk, and treat women. Sadly, my children believe he loves me. They are confused and manipulated by his behavior as well.

Unusual Grief

In 2020, as I began to shatter the fantasy of him changing, the pain was so overwhelming. The deep anguish I buried for so long, began to present. I am still hurting and healing. It is possible to hold joy, hurt, and hope in the same hand. Yes, I moved on with my life, but I still hurt, and remain hopeful.

I grieve for that young woman I was becoming before I met him. I grieve for my baby that I lost. I grieve for my children who are hurting. I grieve for my childhood that was taken away from me. I grieve over friendships I lost during the divorce. I grieve for the marriage I never had. I grieve over the relationship. I grieve for the person he never became, that I hoped he would through Christ.

As I close, I will often share a song that is meaningful to me. Remember, leave people in a better condition, then you’ve found them. In loving memory of Gabby Petito, Rest In Peace.